Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
