Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
