Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
