your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
