Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
