dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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