i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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