i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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