She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize