Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
