a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
