So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
