My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
