My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if only i could text you this smell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
