Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
