carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
