Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize