she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
