I hate your face
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
