Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
