Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
