My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
