Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
