Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You left your phone here
Wait...
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