she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
