We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
