if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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