If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
