Nicole vs. Life
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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