Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Shame - the story of my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize