My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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