I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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