lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
