He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
