I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
