just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The beer is more important than you right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will be naked everywhere
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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