Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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