It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
