I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will pee on everything he values.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
