do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
