____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
