but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
