One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
