I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
