literally had 100 drinks last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
