he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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