I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
