And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
