id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize