so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
