i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
