I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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