I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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