The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
