I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
