he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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