Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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