I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
