To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know, be my cock's hype man.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
