Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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