the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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