last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
