Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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