i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
