my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even the bartender felt bad for me
is wine microwaveable?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
