fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
