So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My first STD was from a foam party
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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