so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
