So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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