We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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