remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
