You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize