I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
