69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize