I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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