He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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