I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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