He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
