U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
