Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize