Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
