If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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