We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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