seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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