so explain again why im purple
no
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
