This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
