Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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