I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
