Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
