Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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