she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
