My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
