Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
