3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
