Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize