Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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