last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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