If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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