Your mouth is God's brothel.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
