We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
